Sock Seams, the Struggle is Real…

Mornings in Casa Lemons are always chaotic.

There is shouting, rushing, spilt cereal to mop up, lunch packs to pack, hair to plait, teeth to brush, armpits to sniff, coffee to make, (without which I would collapse), action figures to frantically search for and the dreaded fecking sock seams to deal with.

Ikea Carnage… Part 2

If there’s one thing sure to whip my crazies up into a frenzy, it’s the plop of an Ikea catalogue coming through the letterbox.

Last Saturday was one such day.

Within minutes of the postman ramming the latest glossy Ikea catalogue through the post box I was awoken from my slumber, by shrieks of , “Mama, Mama can we go to Ikea for meatballs?” .

Now bearing in mind I was slightly hungover (aren’t that what Saturday mornings are all about?) and it was about 4am (ok slight exaggeration, but shit it was early), the thought of meatballs, never mind the horrors of shopping on a Saturday with 3 kids was, quite frankly, more than I could stomach.

I groaned, semi-heaved, rolled over and begged Scandiman to make me breakfast.

Three cups of coffee and 2 paracetamols later (me not them, they had popcorn and sweets) we were all up, dressed and heading off to Ikea with the bonhomie that only the truly stupid and slightly hungover seem to posses.

We set off, as usual with strict warnings regarding running off, hiding in cupboards, screaming, saying bad words and stealing sweets at the pick & mix at the end.

Did they listen… did they f*%k.

And as always, I captured each excruciating moment on film, coz I’m sick like that see… you might remember Supermarket Carnage Part 1, well here comes part 2, albeit in a slightly cooler shop.

In their defence, it started well enough and damn they looked cute as they admired the artwork as we entered Ikea. But the little hellcats were just bloody luring me into a false sense of security!

As within minutes of entering the store Ozzy decides to ride the escalator on his stomach.

I’m afraid the photo’s a little blurred here as a) he was ascending at speed and b) I was running and screaming.

We de-railied Ozzy and then we all entered the store calmly and happily… till we realised we had a runner!

After much frantic shouting and alerting of security (sooooooo embarrassing, I coulda’ wept!) we found him… on his way to McDonalds. 

It wasn’t all bad, I do have moments when I can control my kids, the threat of zero hotdogs and a swift bypass of the pic and mix resulted in this adorable little family snap.

Cute huh!

Of course it wasn’t to last and a few moments later I was frantically searching for Ozzy… I found him in a broken cupboard, as you do.

My pleas of “Get out Oskar I am starting to loose it son!” were, of course, duly ignored.

So to help matters and my nerves along, Axel got in too, FFS!!!!!

(might I just add dear reader, that by this time by focus had shifted somewhat from thoughts of flat-pack furniture to being flat-out drunk at home, gripping a large glass of Sauvignon Blanc).

Then we queued in the cafeteria, quietly and without incident or withering glances from the other shoppers… NOT!

Next came our favourite part of Ikea (I’m being as sarcastic as hell here, just in case youre wondering) the children’s department.

Where we lost Axel again. And then found him hugging a terrifying, savage beast that strikes fear into all that cross it’s path.

Rather apt now I think about it…

On the plus side I only lost Victoria once and when I found her she looked so beautiful, arranging her wedding bouquet (her words), that rather than tell her off I swooned. And now I’m actually quite tempted to call up the producers of ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’ and offer her up. 

We’ve always wanted a caravan down West Wales see.

Finally we made our way out of Ikea, laden with tea lights, plastic plants, storage options and stolen sweets.

We hopped into the car and began to drive off, till we realised that Ozzy was hanging out of the feckin window!?¿?!!! WTF!

And that was the end of that little delightful  debacle.

Although,  as we all know, every good story has to have a happy ending…

Which, my lovelies, in this case, came in the form of the new gorgeous rosy red rhubarb cordial that I snuffled into my shopping bag in Ikea.

 

I went home, poured myself a big kick-ass glass of vodka, chucked in a splosh of cordial and threw the lot down my frantic neck.

CHEERS! 

Thank you and goodnight.

B is for Boys and Beer…

B… can only be for my Boys, my babies, my pains in the butt, my loves. They wind me up, they gross me out, they make me shout, they make me laugh, they make me swoon, they make me drink wine, they make me sigh. They make me feel very lucky to have them.

My Boys in Spring

My boys in Summer

My Boys in Autumn

My Boys in Winter

And beer, all year round… cheers!

What does B signify for you today?

I’m blogging right though the month of April every bloomin’ day, with Sundays off to rest my weary fingers and brain. I’m taking part in the A to Z Challenge, so get ready to read some bullshit peeps x

The Crap Mama Walk

I love this photo… nothing quite says ‘crap mama’ than a small child out for a walk without his shoes.

This is my photo for this weeks Gallery over on The Sticky Fingers Blog.

It was a Sunday, I had taken Scandiman to work and decided to take the children for a walk in the park in the early morning sun.

Without shoes… BOLLOCKS!

As soon as we entered the park I got my first telling off…

Hadn’t I heard! Poor, poor little Marie-Carmen’s leg had almost been ripped off after walking on a piece of glass in the park, Madre Mia, Madre Mia! Followed by lots of vigorous head shaking and wringing of hands etc…

So I did what every self respecting Welsh girl in Gran Canaria would do.

I smiled, nodded, shrugged my shoulders and waltzed off.

Please Note: Axel still has both feet firmly attached and Marie-Carmen is salsa dancing again. 🙂

The Gallery – Boys

I love taking photos, in fact I take so many photos my family audibly groan each time I call “Ohhh, hang on a minute, wait, wait, let me grab my camera!”

I believe I am at my most annoying around food, on the plate, in the shop, at the market and very often when on it’s way into someones chops.

So imagine my delight when I stumbled on this linky post from Tara at the fabulous Sticky Fingers Blog. Basically each week there is a prompt and participants have to take a photo using that prompt – this week it is boys and you know what little devils my boys are!

So naturally I have joined in.